My Dearest Cauliflower,
I want to thank you for clouding my reprehensible gluttony towards pizza, into a socially acceptable style of eating. When it’s a cold, dark night and I am in need of a hug from an item on my dinner plate, you are there for me as a creamy, garlicky, mashed comfort food substitute.
You are the cheese to my pretend breadsticks, and the faux rice to my make-shift curry.
You are even there for me for those international themed dinner parties on Friday nights with your Italian faux gnocchi. How do you do it?
My blood sugar is spiked with tremendous pleasure and glee.
For you I am poetic. For you, I am high. I become a floating ballerina, dreaming, yet awake.
Okay, I’m done… but you get the point?
Let’s talk FAQ:
Is Cauliflower good for you?
Well, it’s not starchy.
Cauliflower is even listed on Everyday Health’s 10 Best Slimming Foods. According to Dr. Rolls, “When you are trying to lose weight, non-starchy vegetables such as cauliflower are one of the few foods that can be eaten in unlimited quanities.” Smart man that Dr. Rolls. (NOTE: I don’t know him personally but I’d prefer to avoid a lawsuit, so I am doing my best to cite all my google facts).
I’m credible AF.
I mean, you had me at "unlimited quanities", Dr. Rolls.
Damn it! Why did his name have to be rolls. Now I want a roll. A cinnamon roll. Or NO, NO a Kings Hawaiian. THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO GET YA. With sliced ham… ugh.
Next question, please.
What are non-starchy veggies?
What are starchy veggies?
Where is the best place to purchase cauliflower rice?
Now you can make your own, obviously. Pretty simple steps: steam the cauliflower and pulse until rice-like texture forms in your processor… BUT, ain’t nobody got time for that.
TJ’s has THE BEST! It’s under $3 dollars a bag. I have two in the freezer right now. I’m all about that grab and go, easy cleanup convenience life.
What’s Marissa’s favorite cauliflower crust pizza recipe?
Oh, I thought you’d never ask.
Fig and Prosciutto.
FIG AND PIG.
I'd call it this, but i'd be ripping off a former employer.
I use a fig spread as the sauce, fresh mozzarella, prosciutto, and crispy balsamic Brussel sprouts.
TIP: form and twist the prosciutto like flowers for a fancier, more sophisticated presentation.
Tip 2: This pizza pairs quite nicely with a dry white.
Orange marmalade sauce, grilled chicken marinated in spicy peanut sauce, red onion, red pepper, topped with cilantro.
TIP: No Tip. It is SIMPLY DELICIOUS.
My favorite low carb cauli-packed crusts:
So no, I’m not quitting the job I wish I had, to get into a cauliflower farming.
I would most likely have to move across the country to California and it is just too risky. BUT, know that I did weigh my options.
ONE MORE THING:
This article has 20+ ideas for Trader Joes Cauliflower rice. YOU’RE WELCOME.
NEXT TIME ON ALMOST BALANCED FOODIE…
I got mistaken for Meghan Markle at Starbucks the other day. THIS IS A LIE. But, she does love her antioxidants and I’ve drinking warm water with lemon in the morning sometimes. So, it makes sense.
Speaking of Meghan Markle, let’s talk royalty. Stay tuned… I’m going to make lemon bars.